Just need to vent into the void. I have literally no friends and I don’t know how to start, where to start or if I do I don’t how to keep the conversation going; I get nervous when someone messages me, then freeze up cause I think too hard about what to say/ask to keep the conversation going or think they will think I’m weird or boring and because of thinking too much on it I give up before I really even try…probably cause when I do try it’s always ended in failure somehow some way. The friends I did have talked to me first, I’ve rarely if ever have done so myself. How do you talk to people anyway? Am I too boring? What am I doing wrong? Are my intentions being misread? Do I seem like I’m mean? I don’t know anymore and I’m pretty confident there’s probably something wrong with me and me talking to myself all day everyday doesn’t help 🫥 and trying seems scary cause for whatever reason the rejection I receive is typically accompanied with insults to my face or behind my back or I’m ignored like I don’t exist whether it’s in person or online. And it scary to even try to talk about my interest as well cause I’m embarrassed of my life and people usually tend to judge if you don’t drive, have a job, and/or go to school. And I have it when anyone asks my about almost anything because my brain takes a second to process stuff and then I take too long to answer and suddenly I’m and asshole or shy or weird or boring. I hate that about myself the most to be honest it makes me feel left out and I have no where to belong 😕….kinda just don’t want to exist anymore. I have felt this way for years and I’m tired of it and I don’t know what to do.